Wednesday, December 31, 2014

The Lie and the Truth about "The Lie and the Truth About Marriage"


There is a popular blog about marriage titled “Lie and the Truth about Marriage. While I appreciate the perspective in this article, I get sad when I read articles that make it sound like this ‘reality’ is what everyone can expect in marriage. (Perhaps this wasn’t the intention, but I feel like the title implies it is.)  Maybe we haven’t been married long enough, but our experience has been nothing like this.  
Among other things, the author states, 
Slowly understand that marriage is not what you thought it would be and your husband is not who you thought he’d be and additionally you are not who you thought you’d be” and “Understand with mounting dread that LIFE has killed the butterflies and this must mean you have ‘fallen out of love.’”  
Again, there is value in sharing these experiences because others going through the same thing can get a sense of hope, and I mean no disrespect to the author. However, I feel like for those headed toward the altar, this paints a pretty grim picture of what they can look forward to. Not all marriages are like the one described in this blog. In fact, that is largely why I started my blog. I personally think there are too many articles devoted to revealing some sort of dismal 'truth' about marriage swirling around the Internet and not enough to shine a light on the alternative.  
Don't get me wrong. I don’t think amazing marriages come naturally. Our marriage is awesome because we constantly and unashamedly pay attention to it. We are so much more than best friends. We are madly, deeply, passionately, and crazy in love with each other and have been every day for 8+ years. I have never had the experiences mentioned in this blog, and contrary to what it seems the author would have us believe, I don’t think this is our destiny.  
I believe God made marriage, and He happens to be pretty good at designing things that work. It doesn’t have to be a disaster. If it is, praise the Lord that there is hope (and I do genuinely think that is the noble goal of the blog I referenced-though I disagree with the delivery). But if you are a newlywed, or headed toward the altar, please don’t buy into the lie that this
“Sit with the pain. Sit with the struggle. Sit with the uncertainty. Resist the relentless urge to deflect the pain, run from the pain, numb the pain with food- booze -work –future tripping- unkindness- false certainty -busyness or any other Wisdom Killer…” 
...will define your marriage. Instead, believe that the next 8+ years of your life will be better than you ever hoped or imagined.  It will exceed every expectation you may have had. Believe it will be the best gift God ever gives you-it has been for us!

1 comment:

  1. Thanks so much for sharing this!! I totally agree:)

    Proverbs 18:22
    "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord."

    ReplyDelete

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