Tip #10: Go to the Throne, Not the Phone

I remember very vividly where and when this tip came from. I will not give the source as I have not asked for permission, but I can tell you it came during a venting session about my future husband.  

At the time, I was engaged to be married to my wonderful, amazing, incredible husband, David. I didn’t know it then, but I had a little problem. Ok, a big problem. It was what I call ‘word vomiting.’   Word vomiting is when words seem to spill uncontrollably from your mouth. For the record, my husband is now and was then a wonderful man. However, I had this terrible habit of running my mouth whenever he did something to bug me or something I disagreed with. If I am being totally honest, and this hurts, I did this because I wanted people to tell me I was right...and he was wrong. The great and amazing thing was, in most cases, they did! In fact, somehow, all my stories seemed to make me look great! David, on the other hand, would often look more like an insensitive caveman. The reality is that ‘my version’ of what happened was always skewed in my favor. Ok, okay, maybe skewed is not a strong enough word. In other words, I strategically left out dumb or mean things I said but emphasized anything with a hint of those things that he said.  

This continued until one day, a wonderful woman from my church said, ‘Amy, I am going to tell you something someone once told me, ‘go to the throne, not the phone.’’  I remember kind of laughing at the time because it is a funny little saying. But the weight of this statement actually hit me like a ton of bricks. Too often, we take every little thing that happens ‘to the phone’ (aka anyone who will listen). In other words, if it bugs me that my husband always leaves the toilet seat up (which he does not because one of the advantages of marring a man who grew up with 3 older sisters who would not have tolerated that), I do not need to tell everyone who will listen how much it irritates me. Instead, if I need to talk, I talk to Jesus. The wonderful thing that happens when we replace the ‘phone’ with the ‘throne’ is things seem to shrink. See, the ‘phone’ (a.k .a. venting or word vomiting) can grow or escalate even the smallest issue. But the ‘Throne’ takes our focus off the issue and puts it on the solution- even when that solution is not in our spouse but in us.  

Ok, now that we have established that, I have one other important note: I am not saying that you can’t talk to anyone about things that come up in your marriage.   It is okay to have folks you trust and know will encourage and speak life into your marriage with whom you share things. In fact, even in situations like I mentioned earlier, you may have someone who can advise you on how to best handle it. However, the key word you are looking for is wise counsel. If the list of folks you talk to is more than a couple close, trusted friends or includes your friend ‘Facebook,' you are doing it wrong.  

If, after reading this, you realize you have the same problem I had, I want to strongly encourage you to put effort into hanging up the phone (in whatever way that applies to you) and getting to the throne.  I think you will see it will have a positive effect on your mindset about your marriage, which will translate into a positive effect on your actual marriage.  

I love reading your thoughts and comments! Please tell me what you think!